Where am I? What dark corner of the internet have I wandered into? Just a minute ago I was browsing Facebook and now I’ve been thrown into this shoddily designed WordPress blog using some default theme!
I feel your confusion. I’m confused too, whoever you are. But listen to me. We’ll get through this together. Maybe. Probably not actually, we’ll just construct a narrative we mutually delude ourselves with, but that’s the best we can do.
This is the website of some guy. Said guy’s name? Greg Guevara, also known as [CATCHY PSEUDONYM] or the sick (as in, likely mentally ill) rapper, MC(middle-class) WM (white male).
So what does said guy do? Good question, whoever you are! I have no idea. I do a lot of things. I breath, sometimes. I blink, occasionally. I waste time and money attending University.
Okay, I’m bad at this “getting to the point concisely” thing, and also this “marketing yourself” thing. Let me pretend to know what I’m talking about:
I write. I wrote a book. It’s okay. It’s like, less than a buck, so you’re not missing out on much by buying it. It’s 200-something pages, the setting is 30 years after a zombie apocalypse, and I have an excerpt page as well with some of the best parts of the book that accurately represent the quality of the book.
I perform. Said performance is designed to be performed for real people in person, and doesn’t translate well to video because the. Despite this, I have filmed my poorly-translated performances that were specifically designed to appeal to people in person and completely ruin them by filming them and trying to capture the same magic. I have a Facebook page and YouTube page, they have or will have my videos on them. They’re like, spoken word poetry and stuff. And it’s got my valedictorian speech.
I make games. Board games that can be printed out and played anywhere for free. Video games, sort-of-kind-of-not-really.
I do other things. I do comedy. (I feel like there should be a verb for that. I comede.) I have a list of accomplishments I keep telling myself mean something. I just started a choose-your-own adventure blog as well. The way it works is you can comment on the posts and turn the story in literally any direction you want. If the story’s in a forest for example you can type “Eat the tree” and I’ll literally write a paragraph where the character tries to eat a tree. Just for you.
Dude, I have no idea what I’m doing. I didn’t expect you to actually follow the link to my website, click the link that tells you about my website and then READ THROUGH ALL THAT TEXT to get to this point. You’re a trooper. I like you. And you know what you should like? My Facebook page. And subscribe to my Youtube. And like my videos. And share my videos publicly. And comment on them. And unlike my videos. And then relike my videos so it shows up in my newsfeed TWICE! that’s twice the validation for the price of one! Follow me on Twitterstragram and retweet my hashtags and rate 5/5 on my life and cut out pictures of me and send them to me in the mail and start a religion named after me and photoshop animal eyes onto pictures of me and send them to me and validate my meaningless existence through the transmission of bits over the internet and alright I’ll stop now.