Haha just kidding I KNOW that nobody visits this website YOU DID

How am I gonna herald my triumphant return to this blog? GOOD QUESTION

Let’s talk about how people thinking they want to die is bad


We treat them with empathy cause we don’t want em opening their wrists up all over us, I get it, I get it


But you CAN just “get over” depression


Everyone’s gonna tell you “oh no you can’t just think your way out of depression that’s bullshit”


You can’t like just THINK and BAM all of a sudden your depression is gone



You can use your noggin to develop techniques to help you FUCK DEPRESSION UP MY MAN

ok look quick disclamer

there’s 2 kindsa depression, fukn fake depression which is what most people have and actual clinical “Major Depression” which u’ll need a good amount of pills for


Use your noggin to say “if i get depressed i will fuck up my depression”

That’s a good thought, instead what people think is

“I can’t get over my depression it is an unassailable force guess i”ll just ride it out and eat FUKN ICE CREAM ALL DAY” SHIT THAT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD LET ME DEPRESSED PLEASE

that is a joke i am please help me


So look.


Look, it’s 3 am, look.

When someone tells a depressed person “snap out of it” our societal instinct is to LAUGH AT THE STUPID MOFO SAYN “SNAP OUT OF IT”

Because we think you cant’ snap out of depression

I don’t fucking know if you can or not actually stop reading this blog post. I just tagged it as every category on my website, including Uncategorized, what are you gonna do about it? Huh? That’s what I thought.

I’m 5/8ths peppercorn chip and banana DNA. What about you, huh? Did you think this would be coherent? You want me to make an argument? Fuck you I don’t owe you anything.

I want to be a rock. You know, rocks dont really feel much do they? They can get trampled on all day and fuck shit this is depressing again

My swearing probably isn’t endearing. In the futuer I’m going to asterisks out all my f*cking swearing okay? I’m sorry.

*Fuckign10/10* listen

I saw a thing. It was fucki*g dumb.

It was “this is what depression feels like” and it was like a

Like, it was a woman sitting in a bathtub she pulled the plug and all the water drained around her or something and it was like “this is depression”



but nobody really knows how to describe depression, all i’m saying is you know take a dead fish and rub it against your face, THAT’S depression

the point is you shouldn’t call yourself depressed because then your brain latches onto the feeling and instead you get sad and tired and depressed more easily instead deny your feelings and repress them

That’s a great lead-up into my next piece called “Suck It Up”

Price of planned building was to be paid by future students

Price of planned building was to be paid by future students

“Yes” and “No” posters for and against CUSA’s proposed student union building. The “Yes” poster to the left has been ripped down by an unknown party not supported by the “No” campaign.

Student representatives of clubs and communities across campus gathered in Robertson Hall on Monday for their academic government’s second meeting this year. Discussion ranged from plans to deliver free food to students studying in the library to the announcement that the physics society had won a bid to host a Canada-wide undergraduate physics conference.

While many issues were discussed, none brought up more debate than plans to begin construction on a new building that would charge students at Carleton University an additional $40 of tuition per semester during its construction. The new building would begin construction in four years, and its price would be in addition to a three per cent annual tuition increase.

The spokesperson for the planned “Student Union Building” was David Andrews, who spoke at length on the reasons to support its construction during the meeting. Andrews is the vice-president of finance for the university’s student association, which is pushing to gain public support for the building.

Polling for the referendum took place on Dec. 6 and 7. This booth was set up outside of Rooster’s Coffeehouse.

“This new building will help us attract more students and help make us more competitive with other universities,” says Andrews, promising 24-hour study space and dedicated office space for clubs. “Carleton is unique not just in its growing student numbers, but also in the sense that we don’t have Student Union Building, unlike many other universities.”

Andrews assured the crowd that the bill would not just be coming out of the undergrad pockets in four years. “In order to remain competitive, the university agreed to front the cost of the first $20 million,” he says, and that the other half of the building will be paid for by the student association. The caveat is that the university will use an eighth of the Student Union Building to set up food stands.

“One of the big misconceptions I hear so far is people asking ‘if we vote yes, are we going to start paying for it tomorrow?’ The answer is no.”

“But we want to make it non-profit,” he says. “That allows us to provide the food and drink at a much lower cost to students.” Andrews’ speech comes about one week before the Student Union Building referendum, which will decide whether or not plans will continue on the construction of the building.

“One of the big misconceptions I hear so far is people asking ‘if we vote yes, are we going to start paying for it tomorrow?’ The answer is no,” says Andrews. “No student will have to pay for any part of this building whatsoever until it’s constructed and complete until 2020.”

Andrews concluded his speech with a plea to think about the future of Carleton University. “Whenever you’re a part of an organization, a team, or a club,” says Andrews, “your goal should be to leave something better than that from which you came.”

Salah Al-Basha is CUSA’s volunteer of the month and delivered this interview while advocating for the “Yes” campaign.

Charissa Feres is the psychology student representative and vice-president of a campus organization that fights against mental health issues. Feres was the first to bring up her concerns with Andrews’ speech, claiming that the $40 price tag would increase each year.

Charissa Feres is the vice president of student issues at SAMH. At Monday’s meeting, she raised several talking points about the student union building.

“I’m sorry,” replies Andrews, “that’s simply incorrect. It will always be $40 per semester. The increase is simply adjusted for inflation.”

The agenda continued, but not before Feres raised some questions for the academic student government running the meeting. A video had been shared on their Facebook page that Feres claimed supported the Student Union Building.

The “Yes” campaign went under the name “Shaping Our Skyline.” Campaigning took place primarily in the University Centre.

Chloe Miller, newly elected president of the student academic government, expressed her and her organization’s neutrality on the subject. “We only shared the video to inform the public about the issue,” says Miller, reasserting that the student academic government is neither for nor against its construction. “We only want people to be informed.”

Feres is unconvinced. As the same organization that created the “informative” video is also in charge of promoting the Student Union Building, Feres believes there is a conflict of interest. Neutral parties should not be sharing partisan posts, she says.

When asked if he knows whether or not the majority of Carleton University students are for or against the Student Union Building, Andrews says no. “Unfortunately, I don’t have an abacus. There has not been a poll. There has been a lot of volume on both ends, but I think that’s a good thing. Engagement is always important whether people or advocating for or against it.”

“People shouldn’t be dazzled by the promise study space and dance rooms.”

The issue is “pretty wordy and confusing,” says communications representative Alyson Duffy. “But we could always use more study space—a lot of my groups get double-booked. I would want someone four years ago to have invested in me today.”

“I don’t personally like that argument,” says Feres in response to that prevailing theme of Andrews’ speech. According to Feres, we are not necessarily “investing” in Carleton’s future. “Maybe students in four years aren’t going to care about the extra space on campus,” she says.

“What’s important,” says Feres, “is that students are informed and grasp the full implications of what is right now being offered. People shouldn’t be dazzled by the promise of study space and dance rooms.”

What everyone who spoke on Student Union Building could agree on is that above all else, students need to be informed.

The student union building referendum would result in a resounding “No” to CUSA’s proposed idea. Sophie Hayes was in charge of the “No” campaign and gave this interview after the results had been posted.

Tell Yourself Something

The world is absurd.

A mind trying to grasp the absurdities of reality and failing. Or maybe just a stoned dude.

Let me break that down for you. Basically, what that means is that nothing makes sense. Nothing exists anywhere for a reason. All of your thoughts and emotions are arbitrary and meaningless. We try to make sense of it in our own ways but we will never truly be able to. I know what you’re thinking. This sounds like nihilism, right? Who wants to be a stuffy nihilist?

Well, the above is true. Life is absolutely senseless and meaningless. The words “sense” and “meaning” are literally just soundwaves us humans can make with our actual mouths.

But like I said: who wants to be a stuffy nihilist?

I’d say most humans on some level recognize the intense meaningless of out existence, but almost nobody will delve into the extreme of nihilism because nihilism is boring as hell. Oh, so you think nothing matters? Okay, cool, let me talk to this guy who cares about something.

What I’m trying to say is this–tell yourself something. Put something in the void. It will be fake, yeah, but you need to lie to yourself. Everybody does it. Some lies are big, some lies are small, but you need to lie to yourself.

That’s a bad way of putting it, especially if you’re trying to convince yourself of the things you tell yourself.  It’s also the truth, but we’re not concerned with the truth. Screw the truth. The truth is a pansy and I want nothing to do with it. We’re humans. All we can do is try to make the best out of our absurdity, and we’ve been doing it since our conception. What I should be saying, though, is construct a reality that changes all the absurdities of the world into something you can understand.

Early humans likely didn’t have nihilism–either because their shamans would pressure them into worshiping I don’t know, lightning, or because they were too busy doing stuff (and getting mauled by tigers) to actually think about why they were doing anything. But then we developed tools to help us not get mauled by tigers and we began to think. And then we were like, shit, nothing matters.

But again, nihilism is the emo teen at the party nobody wants to talk to because he doesn’t look like he enjoys being there. Doesn’t matter that it’s right. Screw being right. We’re trying to develop a philosophy that doesn’t make us want to kill ourselves. So we tell ourselves something.

wait, never mind, nihilism is pretty friggin metal apparently

The hideously rich man making big bucks tells himself that exploiting third world countries is morally okay because the system allows him to do it. That’s what he tells himself to sleep at night, and that’s fine. He has a system of belief that prevents his world from falling apart and maximizes his happiness. Good for him. It doesn’t matter if his philosophy is right–at the end of the day, he has money and a conscious.

But he’s actively harming other human beings!” you say, outraged, because you have empathy. Yes, he is. Obviously that’s bad, not going to argue with that. But I don’t want to get into geopolitical problems so let’s use a less extreme example.

The rich man who goes to work hates his job. The poor man who goes to work loves his job. The rich man tells himself that he’s better than the poor man because he has more money than the poor man. The poor man tells himself that he’s better than the rich man because he has more fulfillment than the rich man. Doesn’t matter which philosophy is “right”–again, “right” is a human word that doesn’t mean anything except for maintaining order (yes, edgy nihilism talk I know, stop rolling your eyes. This is true, even if it’s inconvenient).

Both rich and poor man think they’re winning at life. The reality might be that they’re both middilingly happy, but who cares about what “reality” thinks, that fake ho. Reality is subjective and non-linear.

The broad strokes of what I’m describing is existentialism–adding human meaning to an inherently meaningless universe. But I’m not really all about that existentialism–too mainstream. This is actively deceiving to yourself, and it’s necessary to exist. The first thing you need to do is pretend that you’re not deceiving yourself. Make up some crap and then eat it. Devour it. Commit to it. That’s all you can really do to squeeze some meaning out of this insanity.

If you’re a farmer but you want to be a baker, tell yourself the narrative that works best for you. Maybe you’ll say that you never wanted to be a baker. If so, good. Find all the facts you can about how terrible being a baker is. Maybe you’ll say that you’re going to be a baker because you believe in following your dreams. Great, construct a narrative

It doesn’t matter if your narrative is right. The narrative will calm the roaring emptiness and get you off your butt. Humans need meaning. We need purpose. It doesn’t have to be religion, but religion helps. Nihilists don’t stay nihilists long. We have fragile minds, easily shaped and shattered. Hardened minds can break in an instant. Flexible minds that adapt to anything often find that their picture of reality is non-existent. We’re all just specks on a ball, spinning too quick to stop, to think, to breath, so we tell ourselves that we’re good people, or we tell ourselves that we’re getting somewhere important, and maybe we are, or maybe we aren’t, but no matter what you tell yourself, tell yourself something.

Or maybe this is just what I tell myself. Hard to say.


If you liked this article, share it, that’d be gr8.


Let’s Talk Tumblr

Did you just have an emotional reaction to a “t”? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

Tumblr, oh man. It’s a wild wild world out there in the internet. To an outsider, Tumblr is a world of SJWs self-identifying as unicorns, but that’s a (mostly) incorrect assumption propagated by people who don’t really know what it’s about. Now, let’s be clear here–I don’t really know what it’s about either but I’m at least pretty sure it’s not about that.

Basically, Tumblr is to girls what Reddit is to guys. “What’s Reddit?” you ask, or more likely, “I’m vaguely familiar with Reddit but not enough to actually get what you mean with that comparison please enlighten me oh wise one.” Well, if you want to use language like that I’ll be happy to oblige.

People on the internet form strange subcultures. Reddit is one of those subcultures. Okay, more accurately, Reddit is a breeding ground for those subcultures to develop. So-called subreddits divide “redditors” into a countless smaller communities split into their own interests. Want a community of people who are extremely politically incorrect? There’s a subreddit for that. Want a community of people who love the sensation of things fitting perfectly into other things? There’s a subreddit for that too–and it’s not pornography.

Tumblr is a bit of a different animal. Instead of many different weird communities being connected by the big weirdness that is Reddit, with Tumblr you need to know who you want to follow in advance. It’s much like Twitter in the sense that you follow individuals rather than communities. But that’s not to say communities don’t form.

The average Tumblr-er (Tumblee? Tumblrr?) tends towards political correctness, respect towards gender fluidity, and the demographic tends to be females from teenagers to young adults. Reddit in many ways seems like a social opposite–there are a lot more right-leaners (though it’s still about 50/50 on the political spectrum). After all, it does say a lot that the posts on the front page of Reddit–the front page of the self-proclaimed “Front Page of the Internet”–get around the same attention as the Donald Trump subreddit.

Tumblr I am rather new to, but it favors more of a passing scrolling situation. If you like something you can like it, if you really like it you can put it on your blog. I don’t really have a point here, I’m just saying it’s interesting how vastly different these microcosms have evolved.

Things I Learned Working With Six-Year-Olds

Right before the school year ended I was fortunate enough to get an amazing job at a summer camp. The camp deals with kids aged 6 to 14 and was both great exercise and an excuse to spend the whole day running around with kids and getting paid for it. Not only were my bosses and coworkers very pleasant, but so too were the kids I worked with…most of the time. But sometimes, when we had to go down on one knee to scold a six year-old and teach them a life lesson, I realized that somebody somewhere needed to do the same thing and teach a few adults the very same lessons. Below are a list of things we learned as kids but must have forgotten somewhere along the way.

Be Happy With What You Have, Not Unhappy With What You Don’t

The Story: Every lunch time, the kids go swimming. We have a nice pool the kids are all too eager to jump into for a quick cool off. We also have pool toys for them–floaties, water noodles, those sorts of things.

One day I was watching over the younger kids swim (kids aged 6 and 7 need their Councillor watching over them as well as a lifeguard) when one of the kids jumped in the pool with around three noodles.

There were five kids in the pool at this time: Three swimming around happily, one with a single pool noodle and one with three pool noodles. The three swimmers with no pool noodles were perfectly happy doing their doggie paddles in the water. But that one guy with one pool noodle wasn’t happy at all. Why? Because someone else had three pool noodles.

This kid wasn’t paying attention to the fact that everyone else was getting along just fine without any pool noodles. He was only paying attention to one person: The guy with all the pool noodles. Why should someone else get three noodles when he only got one? It didn’t matter to him that the extra two noodles were more of an inconvenience than anything else, hampering your ability to swim while you were dragging three foam spaghetti strings behind you. It didn’t matter to him that pool noodles were delivered on a first come, first serve basis. The guy just wanted to have the most noodles. And it upset him, because he couldn’t.

The Application: The fact that you are reading this on a computer or tablet or phone or what have you means you are comfortable cemented in the top 50% of rich people in the world at the very very least. You have more than billions could ever possibly imagine…and yet those billions could very well be happier than you. Often times, happiness is not about what you have, but what you do. What you do with what little you do have, what you choose to focus your attention on. Stop comparing yourself to others and start being thankful for the things you have. You’ll be a happier person that way.

The Moral: What you have is more important than what you don’t.

People Will Hurt You Out Of Inconsideration More Often Than Hatred

The Story: Dozens of times during my work with kids, some kid will hurt another one. Slap them, steal something of theirs, push them or what have you. The catch is this: They never do this intentionally.

The kids sometimes sway from the side to side with their hands flailing everywhere, and sometimes these hands fly into the face of unsuspecting children. Said children then assume that since they were so unlawfully hit in the face, Flaily McGee must have been plotting this all along, waiting just for the right moment to strike.

No. Flaily McGee was just flailing his arms, not really paying attention to his surroundings, and whacked you on the face. For some reason, this is difficult for both children and adults to understand: It’s not personal. 

That’s not to say it’s always not personal. Sometimes someone will try to get vengeance on Flaily, hit them back or shove them aside intentionally, and these are indeed acts of hatred…but they are based off of a misunderstanding.

The Application: People are, by their very nature, inconsiderate. Not evil, not malevolent or awful, but inconsiderate. They tend to do what will benefit themselves, first and foremost. Humans don’t like hurting others, but they will often do so. This isn’t intentional, but sometimes in striving for their own wants they will harm others in the process.

The Moral: To think people hate you is a very self-centered notion. Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to hate somebody? Think about the amount of people you currently hate. Whatever the number is, it’s probably a tiny, tiny percentage of the people you know. Now think of the amount of people you think hate you. Notice how that number is enormous compared to the amount of people you hate. That’s because, typically, people don’t hate you. They harm you, sometimes intentionally and sometimes by accident, but only due to misunderstandings and inconsideration, respectively.

Pop songs suck

It is difficult to notice the degradation of something already horrible. The way a festering sore might look more or less the same over a couple of days, so too has the pop industry slowly began its descent from mediocrity to flat out reprehensibleness. We live in a society where debauchery is censored wherever possible in television and internet shows that are intended for family viewing, but don’t think twice about playing music with filthy subtext–or regular text, for that matter.

Pop songs today suck, and I say “today” with the reluctance an old man might wave his cane at a group of youngsters and talk about how he had to walk both ways uphill to school every day. I was born just long enough ago to listen to the rise of some truly awful pop songs and watch in both confusion and horror as they plummeted to the depths of Anaconda in recent years. Now of course pop songs are meaningless and awful, that’s what pop songs are supposedly about. Right? Wrong.

Turn on the radio and treat yourself to thirty minutes of generic pop songs about parties, love, drugs, love, relationships, love, break-ups, love, alcoholic beverages, love and love again. Generic singers with generic, auto-tuned robot voices howling about tried-and-true methods of reeling in the lowest common denominator with their music.

Turn on the radio and treat yourself to thirty minutes of generic pop songs about love, drugs, sex, lust, drugs, being cheated on, parties, and sex again. Generic singers with generic, auto-tuned robot voices, howling about tried-and-true methods of reeling in the lowest common denominator. This, in the pop industry at least, is nothing new. But have you noticed that lately they’ve been getting…worse?

And not because of this guy. Well, not just because of this guy.

The deteriorating of something that’s already horrible is hard to notice. The state of pop as  whole has never been in anything resembling a healthy state. Boring, generic, party music has long been gently and carefully lobbed to us so that the stupidest, drunkest person at the nearest club can understand it. The problem is that it’s failing to meet even that paltry standard. Now they’re rolling it to us in a way so simple that even the drunkest, stupidest person in the world would find it insulting to their intoxicated intelligence.

It’s sad, really, how little effort seems to be put into the lyrics of pop songs these days. It seems almost adolescent, as if putting less effort into something will make it cooler or hipper. Sure, we could put more effort into this song, into the beat, into the tune, into the lyrics. We could give this song meaning. We could give it a message. But we’re not going to, because this is pop so we don’t have to try.

And this adolescent mindset seems to have infected the entire music industry, and it’s a mindset that we can only hope it’s an awkward phase  to grow out of. Like a teenager it’s become obsessed with new experiences, with swears and breasts and lewd allusions to things so filthy they can’t even be repeated on the radio your song’s being played on. Raise your hand if you’ve heard a song whose most coherent lyric goes “Love getting ___ but hate chasing ___”

Mmm, all those words that are presumably so inappropriate they can’t be repeated on the radio. Now that’s real music.

Take Summer as a prime example of this mind-set.

Named by the same 14-year old on summer vacation that wrote these lyrics.

Almost no effort was put into this song’s lyrics, and yet compared to atrocities like Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda it’s a work of art.

What saddens me the most, more than this adolescent outlook or these cookie cutter lyrics, is that there are people who support them, and even claim that there is meaning behind them. “I met you in the summer,” they say. “The summer! His relationship with this girl is warm, comforting and hot, but also only temporary and seasonal, just like the summer!” They’re wrong, of course. It’s just a song about some guy talking about what happens when fall comes (“The leaves turn brown”). But the effort is valiant.

That’s what saddens me. Because it shows we have people who want more than just a catchy beat from their songs. We have more and more people looking for meaningful lyrics, words that speak to us, can be examined. In short: Songs with meaning.

Instead of crap that doesn’t.